My Mommy was so special| a breast cancer awareness poem|


My mommy was so special| a breast cancer awareness poem|

I’m sorry| my mommy|

my mommy is so special|

I love this picture!

I didn’t see it until recently

It tells me so much about you Mom

Your eyes

The eyes I love

Radiating warmth

Love

Great Joy

Delight

Pleasure

Happiness

Excitement

Laughter

You know that’s how I’ll always choose to remember you, Mommy

Why didn’t you ever show it to me before?

I wish you would have shown me this before, Mommy

So we could have talked about it

You must have been 16 or 17 here

It’s hard to imagine you this young

Sparkling eyes

Beaming Smile

Radiating unwavering confidence

With so much of your life ahead of you

Your look saying, “Yes! I’m ready!

Mischievous

Playful

Kinda sexy, too!

Who was taking the picture, Dad?

Dancing

Beautiful, eyes!

Ever so Strong

I can read so much in your eyes

Ready for whatever lies ahead

To conquer the world

Innocence

Mommy, keep your nerve up

And resilience and know that I love you!

Off you go now!

. . .

Whenever I see a rose

I always remember your

Rose garden

Driving up your street

When it first comes in sight

In full bloom it’s gorgeous!  Like you, Mommy

Remember when we used

To go to nurseries looking for roses

To make your new house a home

Did it drown out the pain

I thought you were doing well then

I thought you were adjusting

I thought you would be happier

Once you realized it was really better to be away

From the oppression

the abuse

the yelling

the drinking

the name calling

the disrespect

Maybe it was comfortable

Sometimes the pain is comfortable

They say that’s why some people stay

Is that why you stayed, Mommy?

Where was I again?

Ah, yes, Roses . . .

Sweet, fragrant, roses

I still spritz rosewater

Once, twice, in my face

Very relaxing, soothing, calming

. . .

Sometimes from magazines

Picking them out together

Mr. Lincoln, Double Delight, Just Joey, Peace

Josephs Coat, Oh, Mommy, what was the white one called again?

Maybe that was one of those that I sent you in a bouquet

That you started yourself & nurtured like you do a child until it grew into

a beautiful tree

Did you ever get Livin’ Easy?

I bet it’s hard for them to keep enough of that rose in stock

Going home and planting each one with such care

When I bought each of my homes

I planted roses too

Remember how you came over to show me how

To prune and care for my roses

The very first winter in my

Very first home

It was so long ago

And yet it seems like yesterday

Doesn’t it, Mommy?

Do you remember about 4 years ago

When you came over to my big house

The very last winter I lived there

But we couldn’t know that then

You showed me one last time

How it should be done

I didn’t realize it would be the last time

I would be living there, Mommy

I didn’t realize it would be the very last time you would be alive to show me Mommy

I just remember how you were determined to give

Me my lesson one more time

Don’t be sad, Mommy

I’m sure we won’t always live in an apartment

I’m sure things will pick up

I’m the comeback kid

Remember that’s what you used to call me

Me and Bill Clinton

And I’ll always remember what you taught me in your rose garden

It’s okay, Mommy

it’s just impermanence

Before you ask

Yesterday

I drove by the street where I used to live

To look at the rose bushes that you pruned

To see you pruning them one more time

But when I got there

The new owners had pulled all the roses out

I started to cry, Mommy

And then I told myself

it was just another

case of Impermanence

But then I looked closer still

And I could see you there

On a cold December morn

Wearing your hair sprayed Wig

You were all bundled up

Wearing gloves

You had on the scarf you knitted

under your JC Penney’s warm coat

I saw I was there too

Watching you — I asked you if You were sure you wanted to do that

Oh, Mommy, why did I say that

I’m sorry!

Letting it go now . . .

Because I knew how roses saved you

That’s why I always sent you

vases filled with fragrant roses

For special occasions

I remember how you always called me up

While I was at work

The second they arrived on your doorstep

To tell me with great detail

Oh, Cindi! They’re beautiful!

You shouldn’t have, but I’m glad you did!

Then you’d laugh!

As you got older you’d wait until

We were together

And bring it up

You won’t have to bring flowers to me later

You brought so many flowers to me now

I’m so glad you did!

Mommy, I always knew when you were

Telling me this it was to make me feel better

But it never did

Now it just makes me feel sad

But in that happy sick kind of sad way

I’m not even trying to hold back the tears now

You always said it with a bright smile

Oh, Mommy, I hope I smiled back at you

Mommy remember how you knit me

So many amazing sweaters

Vests, Socks up to my knees once

To match a hooded sweater jacket

Slippers for everyone in your family

Later Scarves and hats

To fill us with warmth and your love

Mommy remember last October before I knew how sick you were

I asked you for a hat

Well I found the hat you were working on

Near your chair last December a week after you died

I couldn’t bear to keep it then

I sort of wish I had now

But I really don’t think I could look at it now still

Thank you, Mommy

Letting it go now . . .

Impermanence

Mommy, remember how when you were in your late 40’s

You started jogging

Every morning before you went to work

All jobs you had after Dad left you

You hated

Dad?

The jobs?

Then you’d go and get 2 donuts from Rudy’s each day

You still smoked then

You entered Bay to Breakers

Dump to Dump and all kind of races

I still have your t-shirts

Remember when I photographed you at the half marathon

You were so proud

I was too, Mom!

I found your single “I will survive” by Gloria Gaynor in your ba-oo Portuguese word for chest full of treasures or is that to take with you when you die?

Was that meant for me, Mom

There wasn’t much else in there

You really hated when Dad left

I guess I didn’t realize how much you hated leaving your life behind

I remember thinking how

You really seemed to grow and flourish

Isn’t that funny, Mommy

How we only see what we want to see

You seemed to really adapt after the

Initial shock and period of adjustment

Is that what doctors call it now?

You really didn’t like any of it though, did you Mommy?

That’s why you always said

The happiest time of my life was when my children were little

You never once talked about any of YOUR accomplishments

Now that I think about it

Did you, Mommy

Did you really think the rest of your life was that unhappy?

Oh, Mommy, I’m so sorry

I guess sometimes we just see what want to see

And I guess sometimes there’s no going back

I wish you could

have let it go

impermanence isn’t so easy now, I know

What about the ocean, Mommy

It seems the only time

I truly saw you happiest

was when you were

watching the waves

Peace

Contentment

or

Reading

Adventure

When you could experience

What you dare not try in your own life

. . .

My Mommy was so special

She was my first best friend

She was my first teacher

I can still see her smile

I still hear her voice

On the phone

Sometimes in person

We are usually shopping

Something my Mom loved to do with me

She loved how I could navigate my way through the store

And find things for her

That she would probably have otherwise overlooked

I know this because

I would hear her tell her friends this

At night

When I’m asleep

In my dreams

When every thing is so real

I still have the laughter

The bright smiles

Her beautiful eyes

Until I realize it’s a dream

But I never tell her I know

Because I’m afraid that once she realizes . . .

It will come to be . . .

impermanence

I loved when I made her laugh

My jokes

My stories

Or when I was just being silly

To evoke a response

of laughter!

Before she got sick

Before she was in pain

Before she was scared

Before cancer took that away from her

But even then somehow

I could still see through

and see those beautiful eyes

courageous smile

and heart filled with love

My Mommy was so special

before cancer took her away from me

Mary Silva Schenone

September 12, 1932 to December 3, 2010

tags:

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About mindfulnesswalks

Publicist| Citizen Journalist| Host| Mindfulness Walks| Virtual Cafe|Poet| Writer| Artist
This entry was posted in San Francisco Bay Area. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to My Mommy was so special| a breast cancer awareness poem|

  1. Cindi….. it such a joy, we both enjoy how she can use her voice for good, and help change the world one day at a time…

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